Saturday, January 25, 2020

Trust Based Philosophy - Mark Given - Radio Show Transcript - January 24, 2020

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VoiceAmerica  0:07  
One problem facing people at many levels of business is how to make time for a work life and a personal life. Do you find that one seems to keep getting in the way of the other? This is the work life balance with Rick Morris. Even if you're not involved in the business world, you'll have a lot to gain by tuning into today's show. Now, here is your host, Rick Morris.

Rick A. Morris  0:28  
And welcome to another edition of the work life balance. So excited to have everybody along I took last week office is a growth period for me I had the opportunity to go visit with some friends and some business compatriots and just had a fantastic time came out of there on fire with some some business ideas that we're going to have a huge announcement. coming in the next three weeks, we're actually planning on launching a whole new service, March 1, but once you hear the names that are associated The service it is going to be out of this world. I'm so excited to see this come together in the lineup of people that we have that are going to be able to serve this community talk about what it is that we love to talk about. And continue to grow as people. So was was out and about last week headed to Houston. Monday. I'll be in Houston Monday through Thursday, working on some ideas out there and had a fantastic time today speaking to the Association of Fundraising Professionals. So lucky enough, I actually do a speaking engagement right here in town, which is slim to none that that happens. So we love to take advantage of that. When it does, but we want to get into today's show. We've got a great I can't wait to get into this topic. But the gentleman himself is that's going to be with us. He attended Ohio State University. We actually won't hold that against them for any reason whatsoever. And he graduated from Ilan college he spent 20 years is the CEO of multi state resale, retail sales and a rental company that grew to 47 locations. He spent the past 20 years as a keynote speaker, teacher, author, realtor, and business leader. And along the way, he's invested 10s of thousands of hours speaking and sharing leadership and success secrets, sales and personal Mastery Systems. And what we're going to be talking about here, his trust based philosophy systems, with companies and organizations just like everyone listening across the world. So let's bring him in right now. Mark Given, how you doing, sir?

Mark Given  2:32  
Good, Rick. Hey, it's good to see you. Glad to be here today.

Rick A. Morris  2:35  
Glad to be with you. So tell us a little bit about just yourself. Introduce yourself to the audience a little bit and then let's let's get into trust based philosophy.

Mark Given  2:43  
That'd be great. This I'll give you the cliff notes version because you said you said the business side of it. I'm written eight books, four of them. Now fifth one coming out this year is on the trust based philosophy. So I've written a whole series of books on the importance of building meaning. Training and repairing trust spent about 40 years researching that, because both my retail background and then my service background and leadership background, all I've done there, husband, father of five, grandfather of eight,

Rick A. Morris  3:15  
good, gracious,

Mark Given  3:17  
and grateful to be happy and alive and sharing what I believe is just a critically important principle called the trust based philosophy.

Rick A. Morris  3:25  
Well, and so you said retail sales and you know, anybody that's spent any time in sales, they say that people only buy from those that know like, and trust you, right? So is that is that where this birth?

Mark Given  3:37  
Well, it is. But I but of the four books that I've written and the first one coming out Well, the first one was really about leadership because as a CEO, it's it's really important to try to understand trust, and leading rather than just managing managers manage tasks leaders are supposed to inspire. So I wrote the book, trust based leadership about about the importance of leading with trust. And then I wrote a trust based selling book, proven ways to stop selling and start attracting because nobody likes an icky salesperson. And you know, they're repelled by that. So people like to buy, but they don't, they don't want to be sold. Nobody likes to be sold. So you have to have some trust, obviously, for people to want to do business with you recommend you do repeat business with you again. Then I wrote a book on trust based success, proven ways to stop stressing and start living. That's about harmony in life and having, you know, accomplishing what you think is most important. And obviously, relationships are all built on trust. So that's a lot about building maintaining relationships. And then I wrote a book on trust based networking, proven ways to stop meeting and start connecting is a different speed. So many people go to events and programs where they introduce themselves and they try to build their business or build a career but they do it the wrong way. And so I wrote a book about building trust and networking. Then the new book that's coming out, probably June or July is trust based entrepreneur so that we can, we can build the business and the life that we want and reduce risk. If we build trust, we reduce risk. So that's the fifth, I probably haven't finished. But so far, there's four, one, the fifth one coming out this year.

Rick A. Morris  5:18  
Well, in the center of all those, what I hear is one of my favorite words to is authenticity, right? I mean, if you're going to be building trust, you have to be authentic. And that's why that's why the sales guy is CD to us. And that's why you know, I'm, we're in the land of information products right now. They're popping up all over there. You know, and, you know, Russell Brunson, I think is a genius. He's the founder of Click Funnels, but then he released a product called funnel scripts, which told everybody how to sell based on a script, which to me breaks the trust of the relationship in the beginning. So what what led you down the path to you know, no offense, and I love to pick and have fun With my guests and but every CEO that I know that spent 40 years as a CEO starts talking about harmony and relationships and things like that. So why haven't we done that? Like, just 10 years into our career? Is it because everybody's so ladder focused? And then once you get to the top, you start recognizing what's what's real.

Mark Given  6:18  
I think I think you're probably right on that. That's part of it, too. And as we age, we, we recognize the importance. I mean, our perspective changes. And so we recognize the importance of relationships. And instead of just stepping on or stepping over, we realized that, hey, it's, it takes a lot of people to create success. And that success comes through building trust. And so that's really the principle it took me a while to I mean, I certainly observed it and experienced it. But I mean, took a wealth books full of notes and read, you know, book after book after book so that I could do it better. And and not that any of those materials weren't good. I just felt like that. For me, the trust books that I read the materials of programs that I was involved in, really taught about the importance of trust, and the concept of trust, but they didn't talk about what I call the four facets of trust, which are the introduction, I call it the grand opening, and then building rapport, and then maintaining trust, and then repairing trust, when you mess it up, because we all mess it up. So although I learned the concept of trust, nobody broke it down for me so that I could understand there's really four different steps. And that's what the trust based philosophy is all about, is understanding that there's more to it than just the concept of trust. There's actually science behind how to do it, how to do it right, and how to improve our skills and our abilities so that we are authentic, so that it's really, it's really us it's what's in here in our heart, and not just what's in our head. So not just a concept but a an actual practice and a skill.

Rick A. Morris  8:00  
When that can be developed?

Mark Given  8:01  
Absolutely. You know, we're not always born with the skills that we need. Sometimes we have to understand and develop them. So the four facets of trust are what the trust based philosophy is really all about. And what we what I've learned as I've studied and researched and, and practice that, as that if I understand those four distinct principles better, how they work, and how to build, maintain repair, and each of those, I just get better and better and better, doesn't make me perfect. I'm always growing. But it's amazing to me how many people I'm out speaking to and organizations or companies that they they've just been taught the same things that trust is a concept, not a science and it there is a science to building and maintaining trust by and you're speaking my language there, but I'm a huge fan and study or Dr. Cialdini and the power of persuasion and influence.

Rick A. Morris  8:54  
What I really liked so far, obviously what I'm hearing by like that you're calling it a trust based film Not a trust based system. So even though there's science and everything before, it's not like, you know, step a, you manipulate somebody this way step, you do it. Right. So it's a philosophy So, so why why choose that word? Why philosophy is kind of your overhanging corporate structure?

Mark Given  9:17  
Well, I mean, I think you kind of just said it, that it's not, you know, so often we're, we're positioned to buy a system. And, you know, here's, here's my program by my program. And the reality of it is it's it's the science of it is more you know, physiological and psychological. It's not really a system. There are programs and, and the philosophy that we can teach you and you can embrace it, and improve it if you want to. So we have different things that we teach as I go out and speak and course teach to companies, organizations associations. I've I'm out there trying to help them understand each of those four facets. then help them understand the philosophy of each and how that works. There are systems within the philosophy. Sure. But, of course, what we're trying to do is help people from where they are to get them to the next step. So let me Can I give you an example? Yeah,

Rick A. Morris  10:15  
I'm ready. Let's

Mark Given  10:16  
dive in. Let me give you an example. Let me give you some meat right now so that your listeners understand for years and years, and all of our lives. The first facet of the trust based philosophy is called the grand opening. We have all been taught our whole lives. The same thing, the same principle of our introduction, which is high on or Hello, I'm or It's nice to meet you on. And the reality of that is, most people walk away from an introduction to somebody that they've never met before. They introduce themselves by saying Hi, I'm Mark or, or Hi, I'm Rick, right. And then while the other person is introducing themselves, our brain is not locked on. And so what happens is, that's called a two step greeting. That's what we call two step greeting. And that was, Hey, I'm Mark, nice to meet you. And then while you're saying, Hi, I'm Rick, and we're trying to engage each other, I'm really thinking my brain is focused on what I'm going to say next. So I walk away from an introduction. And I'm thinking, now what was his name again, and and then we go, and we try to write it down, or we try to associate them in some way with with some animal or some action or some event, so that we can try in some way next time we see them. Remember that. So the trust based philosophy would say, go from a two step greeting to a three step greeting. And here's the three step greeting. It's it's the, it's the salutation. But instead of saying, Hi, I'm Mark, you would say, hey, it's good to see you today or Rick, I appreciate you having me on today. But the key word in there is you It's nothing about me. It's about you. So it would be Hey, Rick, we sure appreciate you having me on the show today. Thank you for having me. My name is Mark. So a three step greeting uses the word you twice. Good to see you. Thank you for having me. My name is Mark. Now, what we've learned by experimenting with this over and over and over now for years, is that for some reason, there are some things that I don't have the dollars to invest in understanding why it works. That's why I can't put people in MRI machines to determine it. But here's what we've learned what when people do a three step green, Rick, instead of a two step reading, their brain is more inclined to now listen to what the other person has to say. And by saying you you or them them, then you not only are you listening better, but you're you have impressed them. Maybe subliminally it's not manipulating. It's just reality. You love hearing a conversation that's about yourself, instead of just me instead of Hi, I'm Mark. Hey, it's good to see you, Rick, thank you for having me on your show. I'm Mark given. And then I'm more inclined to listen to what you have to say. So the difference is a two step greeting, which we've all been taught to a three step greeting, which is what the grand opening and the trust based philosophy is really about. It's just one piece of that. But that's one important piece, trying to teach people to go from a two step greeting to a three step greeting. And man, when you when you get out there, and I'm trying to teach it, Rick, people fumble all over this year, but once they practice it, it becomes easy. And you immediately become more likable. And we can't really explain why. But the psychology of it shows that you just immediately become more likeable. And when you're more likable, you're more inclined for people to have that initial stage of trust, which we call the first impression.

Rick A. Morris  13:56  
Yeah, well, what it taps into is the radio station, everybody too, which is wi I FM, what's in it for me? So we're going to take a break right here, but we've got a lot more we've got these other facets that we want to talk about. I also want to get into that that greeting and in some different ones that I've seen that I've seen they've been really effective. So we'll be right back with Mark Cuban. You're listening to Rick Marston the work life balance.

VoiceAmerica  14:23  
Are you frustrated with the overall productivity of your project management processes? Do you lack consistency and project delivery? r squared consulting provides end to end services to assist companies of all sizes and realizing and improving the value of project management. Whether you want to build a project management office, train project managers or learn how to bring the oversight and governance to your project processes. r squared has tailored best practices to help you in all areas of project management, visit r squared consulting com Are you getting the most out of your product? management software. In many cases, it is not the software that is failing, but the implementation limitations or processes surrounding the use of that software. r squared can analyze your current use and help improve your return on investment. r squared can also suggest the best software for your organization and goals and assist in the selection implementation and training. allow our square to ensure that you are getting the value of your investment visit r squared today

from the boardroom to you voice America business network.

You are tuned into the work life balance to reach Rick Morris or his guests today. We'd love to have you call into the program at 1-866-472-5790. Again, that's 1-866-472-5790 if you'd rather Send an email Rick can be reached at our Morris at r squared Now back to the work life balance

Rick A. Morris  16:08  
and we're back to the work life balance talking with Mark Devon who is has written his trust based philosophy he's got four books a fifth one on the way discussing the science as well as how to build trust through a philosophy based approach and you know, right before we went to break we were talking about how it taps into the wi I FM piece and what's interesting there's there's a friend of mine and it's somebody I just instantly you know, fell in love with it was incredible. But what she's so good at doing is asking questions like she barely even gets her introduction done and gets right into so what are you here for what do you do what, but also genuinely interested and I loved being kind of a fly on the wall and watching how she does that because it's not a natural skill to me. And it's it's phenomenal to see how people react. She probably got more suitors out there and world because they because she's so genuinely interested in people. But is that is that kind of an example of what we're talking about?

Mark Given  17:06  
Yeah, actually, it really is. In fact, that's what my trust was. Trust based networking book is about the difference between what you're saying, instead of just meeting people. She's connecting with people. Amen. Because she's connecting. They like her. They trust her, they're more inclined to remember her, maybe to recommend her possibly to do business with her. I'm not sure what she does, but but at least engage in her and she has positioned herself to do that by building immediate trust. We've all been taught somewhere along the way, when we were young, that we only have one opportunity to make a first impression. And we've all been taught that and but realistically, is even though we understand the importance of that we've never been taught really how to improve to to make sure that we have that first impression. So That, that greeting that I was just talking to you about that that science and that whole work that we did on on discovering that coming up with a three step greeting instead of a two step greeting came out of research that was done by Harvard University. They spent about 15 years studying influence and authority in the world and being able to connect. And what was interesting is, although the the whole study was not about this particular topic, what came out of that as it relates to me, and what I do is that we form a first impression when we see somebody for the first time, based on their science in 50 milliseconds and less than a blink of an eye. So we haven't even had an opportunity to say anything, and they form that opinion and that 50 milliseconds based on how we look our facial expressions, our body language, you know, do we look confident? Do we look like we're an axe murderer, right? Do we look like we would be a kind person right? I mean, so It's it's really two things, it's it, they can almost see that from a distance we can too. Does somebody appear like they're a good person? Do they have heart that compassion? Do they look like? Does that individual look like somebody that would be interested in, you know, unkind to me? Or do they look like they're a jerk, right? Do they look like they're intelligent? So are they kind? And are they competent, and they form that opinion of trust, and 50 milliseconds. Now, that then leads to the next step, which is the greeting. And what we've discovered is if we can take first of all that 50 milliseconds if they want to even engage with us at all at all, if they do engage with us, and if we could go from a two step greeting to a three step greeting, that you you then me, it bill, you have been built a foundation of trust. And so now you can now you can go from there to the second stage. There's still more to it than that, but you can go to The next stage, which is the rapport building facet and the trust based philosophy. So it's really interesting how we have research now that shows things we just never knew before. 50 milliseconds. And that doesn't scare you, it should scare you. Because whether we like it or not, we use this harsh word today, Rick called profiling. And we all do it. We all do it while somebody is profiling us, we're profiling them. And so the idea from a life and business position is how can we position ourselves to be more likable, to be more trustworthy on that initial glance at 50 milliseconds? And then what do we say to make sure that we enhance that and make sure that they can connect with us and will connect with us and are interested and that's but it's only by us showing like your friend that we're interested in them because they that's the most important topic they want to talk about anyway, which is themselves.

Rick A. Morris  20:57  
I think that the thing I can't get over though is that she's too genuinely interested like I don't know that if I'm that interested in everybody that's there but like, genuinely interested, it's hilarious. We had Dr. Meisner on this show about two or three months ago, Dr. Ivan Meisner, but even just we talked about open circle, close circle, right, and just just how that leads into trust. So when you start talking about positioning, and obviously, I understand that positioning in our minds, but is there positioning that you see in terms of greetings and you know, how clothes and that kind of stuff? Is any of that in the book?

Mark Given  21:32  
Sure. And of course, it varies based on culture to I mean, there are places in the world it would vary, but, but obviously, we have this personal comfort zone that we need to stay in. It's also very important that we do we teach simple principles like how to position your body and you know, what about your feet. I don't know that you've ever noticed it, but but I know your listeners, if they're, if they're conscious of is, when you're talking with somebody, and you've now lost interest and you're trying to you know, sometimes we're We're finished with a conversation we're trying to break away, but the other person doesn't get it. They don't see it. Next time that happens to you, Rick, and any of your listeners next time that happens, you're trying to break away, they don't get it, look down at your feet and see what they're doing. Your feet are already positioned away. They have already started so you don't even realize you're doing it. So we teach principles of how to build and maintain trust to help people understand that these these things really matter the way we shake hands the way we position our body. And other words, it's it we either build trust, or we deteriorate the trust that we might be able to build just by the actions and sometimes our body language, we don't even realize what we're doing. So Dr. miser is a is a expert, a master of all that and has written wonderful books on that. And we're just approaching some of that not to the level he is yet but we're trying to approach it from a different angle and make sure that we're helping people be the The best that they can be.

Rick A. Morris  23:02  
See, I use the Larry technique to break away that's where you go, Larry, I'm so sorry. Hang on, I gotta go catch this. Nobody named Larry's over there, but it works every time. I may not be the best way to build trust, but it gets me out of the conversation. He's right over there. So let's talk about report as kind of the next thing how what are some examples or things that you would like to discuss around report?

Mark Given  23:27  
Well, alright, so the report building, you know, once we build and maintain some level of trust, now the report is it's actually very simple. The principle is that you would ask more questions and sincerely Listen, just as your friend, you demonstrate with a story of your friend, that you would ask more questions and sincerely Listen, and and you'd be more interested in what they have to say then you telling them the stories There's a wonderful story and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People about how he spoke for hours at a dinner with someone They're at his table. And they felt like he was the most that Dale was the most interesting person they've ever met. And yet Dale never really told this other individual anything about himself. All he did was ask questions. And listen. So it's about asking rather than telling. And we I teach a concept called the Ford concept. People really like to talk about themselves. And so when you ask questions about their family, that's the F, their occupation, that's the Oh, or you know what they do or did there they are, would stand for recreation, what they do for fun, the D is what they see in their future maybe could be work related, family related, could be you know, anything where they would like to vacation, it could be, it could be where they see themselves retiring, D is more difficult than f or o or R. But we teach that principle when we're teaching rapport that people like to talk about themselves. So you would ask questions, give them an opportunity to talk about themselves. It's amazing what you learn when you just ask questions. And and people really want Want to talk about themselves anyway? So,

Rick A. Morris  25:02  
so I have a radio show I, quite, quite frankly, though is to have an hour with people I find really, really interesting here. In you know, I always wanted to come back around to me, but that's not what the important part is. But it makes me like focused and know. And I've had some of the most fascinating conversations right here on the show.

Mark Given  25:25  
So, go ahead. No, so we we also teach the Socratic method, which is, you know, learning to ask the right questions, better questions, you know, and so that they're not offensive questions. They're, they're kind of questions that people would want to answer. And they don't feel like you're probing or prying and stepping into their space where they, you know, if you don't know them, Well, you can't you shouldn't be asking them questions that that are inappropriate type questions. So we try to teach people on building reports the Socratic method, and we try to

Rick A. Morris  25:57  
explain that just a little bit, though I'm not I'm not aware of the Socratic method.

Mark Given  26:00  
Okay, so the Socratic method is just I mean, Socrates just taught the principles. So crates is what? Yeah, so so so kraits taught the principle of, he's actually taught very much the same type principles that Dale Carnegie taught just a lot sooner than Dale. So so it's really just understanding that people like to talk about themselves. So we talked about how, how Socrates and Dale Carnegie are like minded and other people like that have written books like that. Bob Burg has written books about the endless referrals and Bob's a friend of mine, I recommend him highly all the time because his book, endless referrals, and then going on to the go giver that he did with john David Mann, wonderful books, they're teaching the same type principles, even though they're not teaching that they don't use the word trust. They're teaching, asking, engaging and listening and being, you know, sincere, transparent, interested, right. And then you're amazed at how much you really learn. So the report facet is really about asking more questions and listening instead of talking. You know, it's let's make the conversation about them. And not us. Yeah, its discovery mode,

Rick A. Morris  27:11  
right? Every good salesperson.

Mark Given  27:13  
Yeah, that's exactly right. Sure.

Rick A. Morris  27:15  
But I, you know, again, I don't want to keep coming, beating a dead horse over this. But that's that is that's difficult for me, especially when I'm a medium interested. Like, like, when somebody's got me, they've got my full attention. I'm in writing, and I want to know everything. But when I know I'm supposed to be building rapport with that person, but like, I feel like I lose authenticity, because I was like, I really don't care what the answer.

Mark Given  27:42  
You know what, let's be honest. everybody you meet out there is not somebody that you're going to connect with. And so so the difficult part when we're talking to sales companies, is helping them understand that they're really not doing anybody any favor. If If all they really care about a celebration. product, right? They're not interested in why those people would want the product or how they would benefit from the product. So So now I totally understand what you're saying, and everybody's not going to be a good fit for us. Sometimes we're better off to just when we know we're not going to be a good fit, just to move them on to somebody else, and then find the people we really could be successful with. And we really are interested and can help them. You know, no matter how good you get at it, some people just are not good fit. And, you know, it's hard to it's it's hard to connect with people that you just don't like, you know,

Rick A. Morris  28:36  
or just don't connect with us. Yes, that's where I'm at. But now, isn't makes me sound horrible, but it's the truth. So we're gonna take a break right here we come back. I want to discuss one of the other facets of trust but I do want to wrap up this little conversation here. Around rapport as well. So we're listening to the work life balance you listen to records,

VoiceAmerica  29:04  
Are you frustrated with the overall productivity of your project management processes? Do you lack consistency and project delivery? r squared consulting provides end to end services to assist companies of all sizes and realizing and improving the value of project management. Whether you want to build a project management office, train project managers, or learn how to bring the oversight and governance to your project processes. r squared has tailored best practices to help you in all areas of project management, visit r squared are you getting the most out of your project management software. In many cases, it is not the software that is failing, but the implementation limitations or processes surrounding the use of that software. r squared can analyze your current use and help improve your return on investment. Our square can also suggest the best software for your organization and goals and assist in the selection implementation and training. allow our square to ensure that you are getting the value of your investment, visit r squared today

when it comes to business,

you'll find the experts here

voice America business network.

You are tuned into the work life balance to reach Rick Morris or his guests today, we'd love to have you call into the program at 1-866-472-5790. Again, that's 1-866-472-5790 if you'd rather send an email Rick can be reached at our Morris at r squared Now back to the work life balance.

Rick A. Morris  30:51  
And we're back to the work life balance on this Friday afternoon talking with Mark given about trust based philosophy and mark you know we were talking about rapport and We started talking about the Socratic method then I I had to introduce the the joke that we call them so crates because I live in the south. But that's that everybody goes who's Socrates? Oh, so creates now I got it. But I did want to come back to that. Can you give an example of what we're talking about when we say using the Socratic method?

Mark Given  31:21  
And let me make it a new world. So Connect Socrates with another example. So, so the Socratic principle is just asking questions, good questions, relevant questions that people want to answer, they have the desire to answer. So Harvey Mackay wrote a book called How to swim with the sharks without being eaten alive. It's been, gosh, 2530 years ago, but in that book, he had something called the Mackay 66. So let's go to the Socratic method, ask people questions that they'd be interested to answer the Mackay 66 or 66 questions, that if you if you understand these questions, you know more about this individual than maybe their mother They're even done so if they just look that up the Mackay 66 the Socratic method leads is a good example of why Harvey Mackay wrote the Mackay 66 it gives people an opportunity to talk about the things they want to talk about easily and the most themselves. And then the Mackay 66 gives us a way to gather that information so that we can engage those people again, and that shows that we've been listening.

Rick A. Morris  32:30  
Outstanding. Okay, so we have four facets of trust. And if you can give me just a quick one liner on Manage because I want to move into repair but when we start talking about managing trust

Mark Given  32:41  
managers simple it's the go giver principle that I talked about with Bob Burg, it's giving more than taking the world loves giver. So if you're willing to be generous to be kind to serve rather than take, that is what we teach in the in the third facet, which is about managing trust be a giver, not a taker. Yeah. And that's the principle.

Rick A. Morris  33:06  
Well, surely if it's if it's with the one of the biggest influential, or sciences of influence, which is the reciprocity, right? The more you give, the more people want to give to you. And it needs to be done with a pure heart. So I've got tons of stories around that stuff, but I won't get into that at the moment. But let's get into repair. So Oh, I just made a mistake. I damaged trust I build something to a friend that I shouldn't have revealed and broker trust. What do you do in those?

Mark Given  33:36  
Well, let's let's make a reasonable assumption that there's nobody listening right now. That's perfect. That that they at some point, they have made a mistake that they needed to repair. The trust based philosophy teaches the fourth facet, which is the repair facet, which means that there's four, there's four steps to that the four steps of repairing One is to recognize that you've done something wrong. You just have to some people struggle with admitting that they're not perfect. And they've actually made a mistake. So the first step is recognizing you're not perfect, and you messed it up, right? The second step then is, once you recognize you've done it, you would, you would just not just admit that you did it. But you could recognize how it's hurt these other individuals, these other whoever it is, whether it's another company, its consumers, or it's an individual so so first you recognize you did something, then you recognize that how it made them feel and how would it make you feel if you were in those circumstances? The third step then is to sincerely apologize and repair. Very difficult for some companies to do out there. First, admit it all. But then let's face it once once we know we've made a mistake in the world knows we've made a mistake. We're making a huge mistake. We're making it worse if we don't Just admit and apologize and say, here's how I recognize that it may have made you feel, here's how it would make me feel if it was me. And then the fourth thing is that you, you fix it and you don't do it again. Right? So what am I going to do to fix it? And then what am I going to do to make sure that we don't do it again? In today's world, Rick, when social media, I spent 20 years in retail back in the days when we didn't have social media, and we used to say, if you know, if you offended one customer, they'll tell 100 Well, now if you offend, what can you tell millions? I mean, anybody out there that's listening. And so when there are plenty of examples in the news right now today that we could go to and say that company recognize they did something wrong, they recognize how it hurt people, they recognized what they need to do to repair it, and they took steps immediately to apologize and repair. Those companies continue to, to you know, to flora, so they'll fix it in my takes some time, but they'll fix it. But there are also examples of companies won't admit what they did wrong. They won't take any recognition at all. They don't do anything or they're slow to do anything, and they will apologize. And silence is the same as admitting that you don't care. So we live in a difficult world today where if we don't get the lawyers would say don't don't say anything because it just makes it worse. And in the reality of it is, I'm not an attorney, so I'm sure they would argue with me, but the you know, you can't hide your sins, right? I mean, eventually, especially in today's world with with, you know, cell phones, technology, I mean, everybody's shooting video of everything you can't hide, it's gonna come out. Yeah, so, so you're so the fourth facet is how do we take those four steps so that we can more quickly repair the damage that we've done and you know, we've damaged trusts and Now how do we regain trust? How do we repair trust? And it's really those four steps, recognize it met, do something about it, and then don't do it again. Right. Don't do it again, though.

Rick A. Morris  37:14  
So I'm kind of want to come back to step one there in just a second. But you were mentioning, I one of my favorite stories I saw that came out in the news. They actually hadn't done anything. But still they perfectly walk through step two, three and four that was crock pot when there's a beloved character on a dramatic television show on NBC that dies, because a crock pot fire and they wake up to social media, and everybody's banning their products and what even a real crackpot, it was fictional in the first place, but watching how they handled it. You know, they acknowledge their feelings they showed where that really couldn't occur in their product, but they they understand why people would be upset. It was brilliant to watch them regain that trust of the audience. Sure. But coming back to step one for a second, what about those people that don't recognize like that? The first step is to recognize I did.

Mark Given  38:09  
Yeah. And and you know, what? techniques, we all know companies and individual or maybe we've experienced companies and individuals, that that just won't admit that they're they can make a mistake, right? Or they won't, they won't admit that they made a mistake. So that I mean, that's because I'm not a psychologist or, you know, it's I don't really have the ability probably should be cautious that I give that I give any kind of let it you know, but but realistically, the first step is to help somebody recognize whoever the individual or the company is to recognize that they have in fact, harmed somebody, right? Whether it be in a marriage, whether it be with a relationship with your family or a friend. I mean, the first step is just recognizing the fact that Hey, you know, I really messed up here. And then to process the next step, which is, how would it make me feel right? If I were the reverse if the roles were reversed? How would that make me feel? If I can understand how it might make me feel, then I can go to the next step, which is repairing. So I don't want to discount what you're asking. But the most difficult part really is the beginning the first step, which is helping people understand because we can see they made a mistake, right? We can tell them they made a mistake, but that doesn't mean they want to own up to it or even recognize it. And that's, that's the difficult part and and you know what, that's kind of what's either up here and go back to what's in our heart, what's in our head. You know, how transparent do we want to be and how open do we want to be to the world and to our relationships that we have. We all make mistakes. I'm just grateful that I don't make huge blunders all the time. Some you know, but But make mistakes of some kind, regular, right?

Rick A. Morris  40:05  
I come out of the project management world and I actually taught, I call it the 10% hundred percent rule, right? I own 100% of the failure, whether I did it or not. But what I learned in my career was amazing is that owning it so I think people will feel vulnerable to want to admit a mistake because it makes them feel you know, imperfect, as we already know, we are imperfect. But what what's really empowering is when you go Look, I messed up, and they go, Yeah, you did. And I was like, I know I just said like, there's nothing you can say to somebody who owns the issue is not

Mark Given  40:38  
Amen. You know what? And and that is, is a powerful step. Because now you can't make somebody accept your apology. You cannot make somebody forgive you. But, but it changes the whole scenario. When you take the proper steps yourself, and with a company that you would run or other Be CEO or or your what your department when you own the fact that hey, I'm responsible here and you just admit it,

Rick A. Morris  41:08  
you know what's something nothing you can say without without sounding like a jerk.

Mark Given  41:13  
Yeah, right and maybe I deserve to get fired but but realistically let's own it and move on to the next step which is how do we how do we move on from here and make it better? It doesn't do us any good to just wallow or stay where it is doesn't get better. It just gets worse.

Rick A. Morris  41:29  
Yeah, I'm fascinated with the fixing blame, you know, blaming other people for things like that. I'm just fascinated by that concept because I feel like he get the three year old apology right where they go, sorry. Yeah, you know, your mom's making you apologize to your brothers sister. Day and then the other one goes well, you don't mean it. The fight goes again. Right. I'm fascinated by that. That that authenticity again, I that word comes out but they don't their destiny. Just owning it. Whatever. Do you have any kind of go to story on on something like that when you when you're teaching the repair?

Mark Given  42:05  
Yeah, you know what? So it kind of depends on the group of the organization of people that I'm talking to. Because if you know if I'm talking to a, I did a program not long ago for a educational program and what you would talk with teachers are different than what you talk with when it comes to sales people in the real estate industry, right. So, so yeah, there's probably 1000 stories that I have of myself because I just try not to make any mistakes. But we all make mistakes. And they're embarrassing, you know, I mean, nobody likes to tell this the stories of when they failed. But that's how we learn is to is to do it. So I'm not going to bore anybody.

Rick A. Morris  42:45  
But that actually resonates more on stage to be honest.

Mark Given  42:48  
Yeah, it does. You know, the sincerity of admitting that I'm wrong here. Sometimes. Let's face it, sometimes even out there speaking because you're a speaker. You have to say something stupid. Not that you would but sometimes It's a stupid, and I think I can't believe I just said that. So then I have to just stop it admit it. Now I'm building trust with these people say, you know, I probably shouldn't have just said, but I just said, Oh, yeah, that may not have come across to somebody. And if I offended you, I apologize if you know, because I know I feel when I'm offended. And so we just have to admit it's a hard thing to be true enough to ourselves to admit that we make mistakes. And and it's not easy to to admit that that we're not perfect because we all want to be perfect, right? We all want to be perfect.

Rick A. Morris  43:31  
And I'm I'm certainly patient, zero foot and mouth disease. So I think it all originated right there.

Mark Given  43:40  
Give mark a microphone and he's dangerous. Absolutely.

Rick A. Morris  43:45  
Microphone. So we're gonna take our final break right here. We'll be right back with Mark and you're listening to the work life balance

VoiceAmerica  43:58  
when it comes to business, you'll find the Experts here, voice America business network.

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You are tuned into the work life balance to reach Rick Morris or his guest today, we'd love to have you call into the program at 1-866-472-5790. Again, that's 1-866-472-5790 if you'd rather send an email Rick can be reached at r Morris at r squared consulting com. Now back to the work life balance.

Rick A. Morris  45:43  
And we're back for the final segment of the work life balance this Friday afternoon and look I love love my Friday shows the time just flies especially when we have somebody who's as fun and interesting is mark with us. So Mark, how can people find you on the web and how can they book you as a speaker

Mark Given  46:00  
Actually it's very easy if you just go to my website which is Mark So if they can remember my name they can find me and then my email is just as easy mark at Mark given com. So if they if they they'll find everything that they need on there so that it might even keep my calendar on there so that if they have a particular date they're interested in they can see we try to update that every couple of weeks so that they can see if they got a program coming up. Where's Mark going to be because obviously if I'm going to be in their area it's a lot easier so I'm not flying back across the country but but I'm available I'm not under any kind of government protection so they can find me right now.

Rick A. Morris  46:44  
Given calm and given is spelled Jeezy. Okay, f p. Now it's given g IV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you've had fun with that your whole life right? about that. Yeah, I got that one. I got so we love to ask everyone. of our guests that come on the show. What's some of the best advice you've ever received?

Mark Given  47:04  
You know, I were asked a good question. Um, first of all, let me give you one about relationships as it relates to life and family and marriage. I've learned after 42 years of marriage, that if I want to have the kind of life and to be a trustworthy person, I listened to my wife. She has this ability women have this ability to be closer to I don't know the that still small voice that when I asked her and listen to her, I make smarter decisions. So that's good advice. My father and my father in law advised me to do that took me a while to get it but I did. The second thing is I actually wear a little pin around on my on my lapel all the time that just says CTR it means it stands for choose the right and it you know, it's not a political statement. It's a make a good choice statement. So even though that's not mine, either borrowed it from another, you know, organization but a religious organization actually, the point is, when when you make good choices, and you and you strive to make good choices, you'll become you'll become the kind of person and you'll be the kind of person that people want to trust. And on your tombstone, you know, if anything else you certainly would want, even if it's a small inscription, I could trust Rick, you know, if we could live our lives that way, the world would certainly be a better place, we'd have less problems in the world, we would serve each other better. And there'd be more kindness. So CTR choose the ride. That's probably some of the best advice I've ever had. If I can just choose the right, make good choices every day, then the rest takes care of itself. I believe I will have the kind of life and the kind of business that I'm seeking.

Rick A. Morris  48:50  
That's wonderful. there any final words that you'd like to give to the audience?

Mark Given  48:55  
Yeah, you know what, I just want you to know how much I appreciate those of you that are that are listening Well listen, maybe from recording, just thanks so much for listening. My whole intent is to help people understand the importance not just the concept of trust, but how to improve their circumstances in life and in business so that they can be more trustworthy, and that it will improve their life and their, their their circumstances. It could be financial, but it could be emotional, too. So my whole life as I wind my life down now is to try to help people reach the level of happiness and joy and success that they're seeking. I do it through teaching, the importance of building, maintaining and repairing trust. And so please call me please email me, you can sign up for Mark's minute if you go to mark given calm. It's a weekly message that a one minute message I send out every week. And obviously I've written books, so we would encourage you to, you know, buy my books off.

Rick A. Morris  49:55  
five wins the fifth one coming out.

Mark Given  49:58  
June or July. I'm actually writing this test space entrepreneur book, entrepreneur book with my oldest son who is a serial entrepreneur, he's about 40 years old, I wanted a younger perspective, and also with a wonderful woman who was a leader with IBM, one of their first women in leadership. And so we're sharing the authorship of this trust based entrepreneur book, so that we get three different positions, an older male, a younger male, and then a woman who's in leadership so that they can people can really understand how to build a business and reduce risk and do it the right way. So they can build trust within their organization and outside of the organization, so that people want to do business with them. They want to join their company, and what they do they buy into what they do and they want to buy their products and services. So that's what that books really about probably June or July of this year.

Rick A. Morris  50:52  
Outstanding. Well, Mark, we thank you so much for joining us today. And again, go to mark given calm or it's Mark at Mark given calm if you have any questions or we'd left anything unsaid, but again, thank you so much for for being with us today mark. My pleasure. And for the rest of us next Friday we're going to have Luke Peters on the show. I'm really excited to talk to Luke as well. We've just got some fantastic guests heading up the weekend after that I'm actually going to be out in LA will be sharing the stage with Robert Hershey of Ag and Johnny Depp and and all of our MMC folks. So you can go to the city galette city gala or city summit calm and learn all about that. It's going to be a huge day for entrepreneurs a huge day. And then we're an official Oscars after party so who doesn't want to hang out there and then coming up on the 21st on the show we have the one and only Lindsay alley. Lindsay is a dear friend of ours, great comedian writer, and one of the original MMC staff, MMC kids and Mickey Mouse Club kids So she is going to get on and talk about her life and career and I guarantee you are going to be laughing so much will be crying. Because that's just Lindsay every day. So please stay right here. Listen to our next show coming up here on the business network of voice America. And until next Friday, we will sign up I hope that you live your own work life balance.

VoiceAmerica  52:27  
Thank you for joining us this week. The work life balance with reg Morris can be heard live every Friday at 2pm pacific time and 5pm eastern time on The Voice America business channel. Now that the weekend is here, it's time to rethink your priorities and enjoy it. We'll see you on our next show.